Saving Grace
by sevenpuddings
Summary: Stuck in a world they hate, between this life and the next, two lives are about to cross paths, and change the course of their futures. Forever. AU Story, rated M for drug and alcohol abuse, implied sexual situations and mild suicide notions.
1. Rumours

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

* * *

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**

* * *

**

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter One: Rumours _

-

_But I can tell that you're watching me  
And you're probably gonna write what you didn't see  
Well I just need a little space to breathe  
Can you please respect my privacy_

_-_

They stare at me as I walk down the hallways, fingering the silver cross that hangs low into my cleavage, mixed with the beaded necklaces that are wrapped around my neck, noose style, and eventually join the cross in between my breasts, drawing all eyes to my chest. My face doesn't even stand a chance. I pull my jumper closer around me, craving to put the hood over my head, to cover myself from their harsh, judgmental eyes. The eyes that bore into my soul, and tell me what I already know. I am not one of them. I am not good enough for them.

Fools, I scoff in my mind. They know nothing of me.

I had my first kiss one cold night, when the rain would not stop. I lost my virginity that night too. At the tender age of twelve. I remember staring out the window, watching the droplets of water slide down the dark windowpane. I remember thinking, if only they were real silver, because then they could slice my throat.

That night, all traces of innocence were wiped from my face. And what remained, was an empty eyed girl, left to struggle with the living, left wanting to be dead.

That loss of innocence can never be replaced. Not when a timid twelve-year-old is introduced into a world of fear and oppression. And escape. I'm wild, and untamed. Have been ever since the first time they said, "Here, have a drag of this" and I felt things I never expected to be able to duplicate. I felt numb.

I'm a loose cannon, I'm a time bomb, ticking slowly away, waiting to explode. Waiting for the right trigger. And be sure of it, one day it _will_ come.

Shrill bells sound around me, and there's an instant movement to get to class. Losers', I think to myself, get a life, do something other than be the perfect little kids Mummy and Daddy and all their money, raised you to be. Grow a backbone; stand up for your rights. Believe in something other than the strict rules you've been raised on.

"Hey" a girl says as I pass her in the corridor, and I find myself drowning in the mock sweetness and kindness that's taken over her voice. "You in for Friday night?"

"Yeah." A guy says from next to her, pulling the girl closer to him and snuggling into her "There are plenty of guys coming who are into your thing."

Sighing, I slam the locker next to me and walk away, ignoring the glares coming from everyone around me. Don't they know their thoughts are no longer a secret to me? They think I wag every class to get high in the toilets. The teachers all pretend as if I have a future, but really, they know I don't. That the only reason I'm passing is because I'm sleeping with the young, hot principle anyway.

Not that I'd have a problem with using my body for gain, because most believe I sleep with any male who passes within my sight. Depends on how drunk or high I am, I think to myself as I pull up a chair in the back corner and throw my books down, causing everyone to turn and stare at me.

The center of attention once more. All eyes have always to be on me. That's what they all think, as the roll their eyes or glare before turning around to happily face the perky teacher who just walked in.

That's what 'they' say anyway. That's what they whisper as I walk by them in the hallways, as I get changed next to them in P.E, as I sat behind them in class, drawing scenes depicting their deaths.

And mine.

Maybe they were right. Maybe I was waiting to be cut loose from the ball and chain I had been tied to for all these years. Maybe I was waiting for them to stop putting words, actions, even emotions, in my mouth. Maybe I was waiting for freedom.

Maybe I was enjoying my life way too much to slow down.

Maybe I didn't want life to pass me by without ever really feeling, ever really knowing, ever really living.

-

_Why can't you just let me  
Do the things I wanna do  
I just wanna be me  
I don't understand why  
Would you wanna bring me down  
I'm only having fun  
I'm going live my life (not the way you want me to)_

-_  
_

"Matilda" A strained voice says from the front of the classroom, "Any thoughts?"

Suicide, I think to myself. Death. Freedom.

Instead, I mutely sit there and shake my head, fingering the freshly formed scars that flow down my wrists.

Pain is my only friend. And even death is a better option than staying in this hellhole, I think to myself, as I pull out my book and begin drawing a scene portraying a world in chaos, a world where hell reigns supreme. Where there are no more little white gloves, where there are no stupid mistakes. Where we can all be ourselves.

Where the devil takes my hands, and puts me on a pedestal, for all eyes to see. When the world bows down at my feet, and I finally can get what I truly deserve.

A painless existence.

It's then when I catch him looking at me. Sitting in the other corner, his eyes look half closed, but I feel them on my face, watching my every move. His dyed black hair is fading, giving way to his sandy blonde lock he's tried to unsuccessfully hide.

His piercing blue eyes searching my soul for something that I know he won't find.

He smiles a little when I meet his eyes.

Apparently it looks as if he's found it, whatever he was searching for. At least, that's what he thinks. But he couldn't ever find anything within me. I'm a labyrinth of complex destruction, waiting in an abyss of darkness to be swallowed by the sinister thoughts that devour me.

Fool. You know nothing about me. So don't bother.

I turn away and refuse to meet his eyes for the rest of the lesson. No one will ever be allowed to be close to me. No one can ever be allowed to let me feel anything but the numbness I crave so much.

-

_I'm tired of rumors starting  
I'm sick of being followed  
I'm tired of people lying  
Saying what they want about me  
Why can't they back up off me  
Why can't they let me live  
I'm gonna do it my way  
Take this for just what it is_

-

sex… drugs…. alcohol… anger… frustration…. fear…

These are what I crave. What I need to live.

The answer to all my prayers, the manner of all my sins. Temptation held it's sway over my a long time ago, when I was but a naïve child. Now I'm more grown than anyone knows. They didn't understand who I was, and they don't understand who I've become.

I am alive. I am dead. I am tainted.

But what else would you expect from a Private School girl?

-

AN: And thus, it begins. Vastly different to any story I've ever written. If you hate it, don't review. Simple as that. I don't want any haters for this story, because its helping me vent at this moment in time. Reviews for those that do like it are always welcome. Thanks for checking it out.


	2. I Don't Want To Be

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

* * *

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**

* * *

**

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Two: I Don't Want To Be_

-

She smiled at me. That's the only thing that crossed my mind for the last hour of the class. Her red lips curved gently and she smiled at me. Just for a minute. It had been replayed a thousand times. Her pearly white teeth glimmered in the sun for a moment, her dark eyes creased a little in the corner, her blue eyes opened up a sea of emotions to the world.

And then it was gone. And I was left to wonder what that smile meant. Did she know that I knew? That I knew her, and I understood her? Did she know the secrets of my soul that were hidden deep within the depths of my heart?

Or did she know that she was untouchable to me? That I could only ever look upon her beauty, and never feel my hands on her smooth skin, never feel her body shiver beneath mine. Never cause her pleasure, or pain.

Did she see, in my eyes, the pain I felt at being here, surrounded by people too cruel to be human? The pain I felt at being stuck in a world I hate? The pain I felt in being me?

-

_I don't need to be anything other  
Than a prison guard's son  
I don't need to be anything other  
Than a specialist's son  
I don't have to be anyone other  
Than the birth of two souls in one  
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from_

-

"You're special Luke" My mother had said one morning over Vodka and lime. "There's no one in this world like you. And that's why you've got to go." Her words had been slurred; her body slumped in the deck chair on our balcony that overlooked the gigantic maze that was my backyard. And it was then, at the tender age of ten, that I had my first sip of alcohol. That I had my first taste of what life could be like, numbed from the pain of the world.

Each summer, after I was picked up from school in that smooth black limo, and dropped at the large gates that was my prison home. And every night, after my mother had passed out on Vodka and tonic. I'd sneak a little alcohol, and stash it away, where it would wait for my return to school. I could tolerate my mother, and her drunkenness. The absence of my father never caused many issues in my life. The endless stream of men that had walked out of our house each morning left their own lasting impression.

It was them. _At school_. I walked down the hallways, and they simply turned their heads. They were the people I needed to block out. This is the place I needed to forget. And so my alcohol stash grew, until that last day of summer, when I kissed my drooling mother on the cheek and walked out of the house with my whole world about to fade away, after a few shots of a substance that would leave me high and dry.

-

_I don't want to be  
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately  
All I have to do  
Is think of me and I have peace of mind  
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms  
Wondering what I've got to do  
Or who I'm supposed to be  
I don't want to be anything other than me_

-

Thus, the evil cycle had created itself. And by seventeen, I had created my own devious, and cunning ways of finding substances that made the days pass quickly. Made the pain… _almost bearable_. The rest was up to me.

The book I always carried with me, it was filled with scenes depicting beheadings, swords and men slicing one another in two. Human infernos, while I stood on watching everyone else -suffer.

If I had to suffer in this world, they were going to suffer in the next.

-

_I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn  
I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn  
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn  
Am I the only one who noticed?  
I can't be the only one who's learned!_

-

"Hey you, weird kid." He said from beside his somewhat, well, _orange_ girlfriend. I groan inwardly before I turn around to face them.

"You rang?" I replied spitefully… _sarcastically_, but as there isn't a glimmer of recognition on his face, it obviously goes over his head.

"I saw you looking at her." He said, flipping his blonde hair out of his eyes. "I saw the desire cross your eyes. So I'm being a decent person here…"

I scoffed, and he got a sour look on his face. It was like the pole from his butt had just been shoved up that inch higher.

"Look loser, you want my advice or not?"

This, I had to hear, I thought, rolling my eyes and nodding once.

"Stay away from her. She's bad news. Haven't you seen the way her eyes dart around. Its like she's always paranoid 'they' are out to get her. Not to mention, she's a raging alcoholic, and… she uses. And cuts." He said in hushed whispered as his little group gathered around, nodding their eager heads to please the King Shit of the school.

My god, was I surrounded by drones?

"Don't you get it?" I snapped at him, my eyes glaring, making them all back off. "She's got something about her. Something that none of you, with your puny minds, and dear daddy's credit cards, wouldn't understand. She's got life."

"And what do we have?" The orange girl asked, somewhat snarkily.

"You've got a one way ticket to a crappy life. The house, the 3.5 kids, the dog. The unhappy marriage. The kids that are at boarding school. The dad that's having the affair. You're on your way to being miserable. She's already there." I said, shooting them one final look before turning and walking away.

"Don't bother Henry." The orange girl said, "He's obviously not good enough for us. He wants to be like her," she spat venomously.

I bit the retort on the tip of my tongue. They didn't know me. They had no idea about her either. They didn't want to. Because in high school, there were two breeds of children. They were one. We were another.

-

_I don't want to be  
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately  
All I have to do  
Is think of me and I have peace of mind  
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms  
Wondering what I've got to do  
Or who I'm supposed to be  
I don't want to be anything other than me_

-

Later on that night, as I slammed the door to my room, I stalked over to my bedside table and pulled out the flask that was hidden beneath the socks. Taking a long drink, I collapsed into my bed, letting the warm feel of the alcohol seduce me into a state of tranquillity.

Even in my room, I could feel her. And I knew then that I wanted it to be her and me against the world. That I wanted to be the one she lashed out at, the one she cried to, the one she used to make all her pain fade away. _If only for a moment_.

Because I needed her to be that person for me too. I needed her to crush my fears, to take my hand and pull me away from the darkness that was consuming me in my every waking moment. I needed to be saved.

-

AN: There we go. Thats Luke for you. I can promise no happy endings. No sunshine and lollipops. Just angst. Thanks to Jess for proofing, and to Anna and Dem for the continued support in making me actually write this story. And to those who reviewed, thanks as well, you're support made me want to continue. Hope you enjoyed guys :)


	3. Poison

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

* * *

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

* * *

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Three: Poison_

-

The liquid shot up my arms and into my veins, gripped tight on all my senses, as it took me to a place far from here… it took me to my heaven. The heavy beat of the drums pulsated through the floor, up through my legs, into my very being, my very core. I swayed gently, as a mixture of alcohol, drugs and the haze of smoke that surrounded me intoxicated me.

I fell against the wall, and used it for support as the room began to spin, and my body began to feel hot, flushed. Smiling slightly, I enjoyed the feeling of fear, as it shot adrenalin through my body, causing more stimulation, causing more sensation… causing more feeling, more thoughts.

I kick myself off the wall and strut into the middle of the dance floor, and begin to move to the hard, loud music that is pumping through the dark club. My hands move up and down my body, over my black lace corset top, down my hips, over the hem of my short red skirt. I finger holes in my fishnet stockings, and for a minute I forget the unfeeling person I have become. For a minute, I am _free_.

-

_Your cruel device  
your blood, like ice  
One look, could kill  
My pain, your thrill..._

-

His eyes are on me. Watching the curve of my hips sway, watching my arms move, watching them watch me as the music engulfs me. My breath catches in my throat, as I feel his breath on my neck, as I feel his arms snake around my waist, shooting electric shocks everywhere. My skin tingles as he gently glides his soft hands across my bare belly, and then he pulls me close to him. Our bodies crashing, we begin to move in unison. His hands grip at my hips, and the hypnotic beat of the music forces us to sway.

As his hands flick across my belly, I feel my body slowly giving into him, my body slowly wanting him, craving him. And soon enough, I'll be addicted, to his taste, to his feel. To his touch.

One of my arms moves up to around his neck, pulling him closer to me, pulling his body into mine. Pulling his ice blue eyes to mine. And through the depths of the ice, I see want, and desire. I see urge and fire… I see craving. And as I grind myself into him, his eyes half close, and a moan escapes his lips. I can feel it, and see the craving too.

Then his eyes open, and flash red at me. Lust, desire, a raw, aching need for something more than this close contact. Smirking up at him, I spin myself around and pull out bodies together, my hand rubbing the bulge that appeared in his pants. His eyes roll back into his head momentarily, but then one hand creeps under the hemline of my skirt, and up between my thighs. And I realise, this is no mere game we're playing here.

-

_I wanna love you but I better not touch  
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop  
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much  
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison  
Your poison running through my veins  
You're poison  
I don't wanna break these chains._

-

He smiles down at me, his eyes dark, wide with carnality, as if he wants to take me here and now, on the dance floor, surrounded by others who are lost in the same craving that we are feeling. For the first time, I'm being challenge by someone who wants the same thing. To simply be lost in another soul for a night, to forget the world they were born into, to forget the life they are living.

He pulls my arms from around his neck, and traces the fresh scars that I made just that afternoon. The crusty blood still sits there, and his gentle touch is like that searing pain of the silver slicing my skin once more. I want to cry out loud, because of the pain, because of the pleasure. I want to cry out because he's tempting me. He's waiting it out, seeing who can last the trial the longest. He wants to know who will scratch the itch first, who will cave first. Who will drink the first drop of blood out of pure thirst for something else.

My eyes snap to his lips, peach coloured, untainted. Unlike my own which are coated with crimson red lipstick, mirroring the crimson red blood that flowed out of my veins that very afternoon. My hands gently reach up to them, trail soft lines; causing him to cover his eyes, shiver. My hand delicately reaches for his faded black hair, but his hand snaps out and painfully grabs it, pulling it away from him.

He pushed us backwards, until my back is roughly shoved against a wall. His body presses against mine, and I fear I have no room to breathe. I fear that he will consume me. And that I won't be able to claw myself out like I've done all other times.

His lips hover near mine, the only part of our bodies that aren't touching. He smirks slightly; an evil gleam crosses through his eyes. I smirk back at him, and move our lips that little bit closer. Then, my hands grip at his shirt, and my leg lifts up, and hooks around his back, pulling his lips roughly onto mine.

Two worlds colliding.

-

_Your mouth, so hot  
You're web, I'm caught  
Your skin, so wet  
Black lace, on sweat_

-

It was a mix of clawing and grabbing and rough kisses that left my lips feeling bruised, and my body craving more, like an wild animal had been let loose inside of me. My body was pushed back harder against the wall, as his arms boxed me in, his strong, muscled body pushing harder against my own, weaker one. He wanted me, he needed me. His breath hitched as I pulled my leg tighter around his butt, my skirt riding up, our centers moving against one another, rubbing up and down. His eyes snapped open, and in them, I saw a world darker than any I'd dared to imagine. It was almost like looking into a mirror.

_Almost_.

He caught his breath for a moment, our bodies a mixture of heat, sweat and smoke. Then he leant down and whispered in my ear.

"I'm going to make you scream my name. In pain, and in pleasure. It's going to be the last thing you remember."

He moved back, just a little, his eyes flicking over my body, moving up and down, breathing heavily still, from the crushing position we'd been in. I glared up at him.

"You don't know what pain is." I said, shoving him off me, and walking away, never looking back.

-

_I hear you calling and it's needles and pins  
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name  
don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin  
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison  
your poison running through my veins  
your poison  
I don't wanna break these chains._

-

I tried to ignore the throbbing sensation between my legs. I tried to ignore the tingling sensation over my bare stomach.

And as I stepped out into the brisk night air, I tried to forget those haunting eyes, which bore deep into my soul. I tried to forget him.

I ran my fingers up and down the freshly made wounds, before digging my nails in deep, ripping them open once more.

I screamed out, in pain, in agony, in frustration.

Because try as I might, the poison had already seeped into my veins.

-

_Running deep inside my veins  
Poison burning deep inside my veins  
One look, could kill  
My pain, your thrill..._

-

**AN:** Thank you to Jess for proofing. You were excellent while you were able to do it. Well, better late than never. I haven't forgotten, just become really busy…. Stupid work. But I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and are willing to wait around for more :)


	4. My December

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

* * *

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden. 

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**

* * *

**

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Four: My December_

-

_This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear_

-

I found her sprawled out across the back seats in the schools open grandstand. Her long hair flowed free in the breeze, as she sat huddled in a ball, staring out across the wide football field. She was a million miles away, I guessed, and she obviously had the notion that anywhere was better than here.

As I stepped cautiously towards her, her eyes remained locked on something far greater than me. Something in the far off distance she was trying to find. But then, at the last second, they snapped in attention to mine, and she growled at me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She barked at me, standing up and retreating backwards.

I looked her frail figure up and down. Today, an oversized tracksuit had replaced the revealing blouse and skirt, as if she were trying to hide herself away from the world. Her eyes were sullen dark holes of nothingness; her pale complexion hadn't seen sunlight in days.

Instead of looking like the strong, dominant figure she had a few nights ago, she looked like a lost child, afraid of a storm.

-

_This is my December  
This is my snow covered home  
This is my December  
This is me alone_

-

Her wild eyes met mine, and suddenly I became incapable of speaking, of moving, of being.

"Are you deaf? Or just dumb?" She spat at me, looking me up and down as she continued to glare. But all I saw was the beautiful movement of those red lips that I wanted to feel between my own again. I saw her hands move to protect her body, and I just wanted them to be on my chest, causing those addictive sensations once more.

"I must be having a nightmare," she muttered, pinching her arm. Hard. "Because even the most hideous reality isn't this bad." She continued, as she grabbed her bag and made a move to push past me.

"Wait." I said, snapping out of the daze she had me in, and grabbing her arm. Tight.

-

_And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I  
Take back all the things I said  
To make you feel like that_

-

"I'm sorry," I said, as she ripped her arm out of my hold "About the other night."

"Whatever" She glared.

"No really, I didn't mean…" I began, swallowing a lump as her eyes narrowed on me.

"You really don't get it, do you? I don't need you." She snapped at me. "I don't need anything you can give me."

"What about this?" I said, pulling out the flask and shoving it into her hands.

"Please." She said, rolling her eyes and snorting at me "Like I can't get the stuff on my OWN."

"Have you tried it?" I said, smirking at her as her confidence level dropped a little. "I bet you've never tasted anything more… _potent_… in your life."

She looked at me then, a gleam of desire thick in her eyes. She stepped up to me, sized me up, and ran her hands slowly under my shirt, her feather light touch making my eyes roll back into my head.

"Would you bet your reputation on that, Lucas Holden?" She whispered softly, seductively, into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Better yet," She continued; as one hand flipped open my belt buckle, as she slid it slowly, painfully, out of its loops "Would you bet your life on it?"

"No." I gulp, as she moves closer to me.

"I thought not." She whispers finally, shoving me away.

-

_And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to_

-

She took three steps past me before I grabbed her hand and pulled her body against mine. My hands grabbed roughly at her head as I forced my lips against her own. Any initial resistance she may have felt faded into oblivion, as she melted against my touch, melted into my embrace, her mouth dancing against my own.

My hands moved from her head down to her waist, my fingers gently tracing circles over the stop of her jacket, before I dared to venture underneath. Her skin as warm, tender, and soft as I traced lazy lines across her back and she shivered involuntarily at my touch.

She gasped a little as I found a soft spot, and kneaded it with my knuckles. Her hands tugged on my hair as she tried to stifle the groan that threatened to fall from her precious ruby red lips. She parted them as I pulled away slightly, frowning slightly when she realised my own were no longer against hers.

-

_This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear_

-

"I just want a chance to get to know you." I said finally, my breathing still rather heavy. She made a face, but didn't speak, which allowed me to continue.

"I don't know anything about you, I don't pretend to assume anything about you, but I do know that we're both stuck in a place that makes us wish we were dead, because that would be less of a hell than here."

Again, she didn't speak, but her eyes had clouded over, as if the storm was brewing on the horizon.

"I just need somewhere to escape to. With someone else. And you, I want you to be that someone else." I said finally, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look me in the eyes. "I want to get lost with you."

-

_And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I  
Take back all the things I said  
To make you feel like that_

-

She pulled herself away from me, and hugged her jumper tightly around herself. Once again she was lost. And her beauty was becoming lost to the world. She was fading slowly, I could see, by that look in her eyes. She didn't want to be here any more. Alone, or loved, she didn't want to exist in a place that made her feel less than human.

She didn't want to be any more.

-

_And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to_

-

"I guess…" She said finally "Maybe, we could hang out. You know, at school and stuff…" She trailed off, sitting down and glaring up at me. "But if you see this as a sign of friendship, or worse, a sign that says 'Hey, kiss me, I'm a slut.' Be prepared to face the dire consequences." She snarled at me "Which may include forms of castration."

I winced at her last sentence. Knowing her as well as I thought I did, she wasn't kidding.

But that was okay. Because I could live with it.

-

_This is my December  
These are my snow covered dreams  
This is me pretending  
This is all I need_

-

AN: Thanks to Katya for proofing. You're great. And the plot thickens. What do you guys think? Totally predictable? Think again! Cackles evilly


	5. Halo

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

* * *

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**

* * *

**

**AN#1: **I don't think I've mentioned this, but for this story, if you haven't realise already, Henry and Maddie are NOT related. I can't stress that enough. Enjoy!

* * *

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Five: Halo_

-

I felt his strong arms pull me towards him before I had even the slightest chance to react. The tickling assault had begun, and I was powerless to do anything but let it run its course. However, I could always get back at him later, I thought to myself, sniggering, before crying aloud as Luke found a particularly sensitive spot.

"Ohh, Ohh!" He cried, attacking me harder "You a little bit ticklish there?" He asked, although we both knew that he already knew the answer.

"Just…a…bit" I cried in between gasps of air, as the sweet tears of joy began to run down my cheeks.

"Do you give up?" He whispered in my ear, causing shivers to run down my spine.

"Never" I yelled, as I used all my strength, and his momentary lapse of concentration, to break myself from his embrace and turn the tables on him.

-

_I never promised you a ray of light  
__Inever promised there'd be sunshine every day  
__I'll give you everything I have  
__The good the bad_

-

It was then that I saw them. Strutting towards us, their presence resonating with the cruel stench I'd come to associate with them. Their eyes gleamed with the hateful, evil look that they had made their own early on in school. That look had dictated our lives.

"Well, well, well." Cassie Turner said, as she looked me up and down. "If it isn't our very own resident slut, Matilda Hunter." Her cool eyes clanked between Luke and I, and a flicker of recognition passed over her cruelly distorted face.

"And what do we have here?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and looking over to Belle Taylor, who stood back and smirked.

"The answer to that Taylor," I spat at her "would be none of your business."

"Temper, temper" Belle said, in that so sickly sweet that it makes you want to kill yourself voice of hers. "Cass and I are just a bit curious about this _darling_ little development that's obviously occurred here."

"Why the sudden interest?" I said, glaring, wising up to their games. "Want to play happy families?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "I highly doubt it." I snapped, glaring, as I spun on my heels, preparing to escape the clutches of the evil stepsisters.

-

_Why do you put me on a pedestal?  
__I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below  
__So help me down you've got it wrong  
__I don't belong there_

-

But Cassie grabbed my arm firmly, and turned me back to face her, her grip never letting up.

"We weren't done." She said harshly, digging her nails inconspicuously into my arm.

I reached down and wrenched my arm out of her grip and looked into her icy blue eyes.

"I am not afraid of you." I said to her, my tone even, my voice controlled.

"Well you should be." She replied, her tone matching my own.

We stood facing one another for a moment, neither of us willing to break away from the death stare that we wanted to desperately to kill one another. But then she smiled sweetly at me, before turning around and addressing her posse.

"Come on." She said, her fake voice returning, "We wouldn't want to hang around here for much longer." She continued as she stepped back and Henry wrapped his arm around her waist protectively. "Then Henry and Ric might consider slumming it like you Luke." She said, as they erupted into laughter.

-

_One thing is clear  
__I wear a halo  
__I wear a halo when you look at me  
__But standing from here  
__You wouldn't say so  
__You wouldn't say so if you were me  
__And I, I just want to love you  
__Oh I, I just want to love you_

-

For the first time since their arrival, I remembered that Luke had been here to witness the entire altercation, and that all he'd done was stand back against the lockers, his arms folded across his chest, his dark eyes brooding.

"We tried to warn you." Henry said, which snapped me out of my thoughts, "But I guess it was a chance of too little, too late." He finished, shaking his head, and shrugging. "Sorry we couldn't save you." He said, as they walked away, their cackles loud enough to be heard from the other end of the school.

I watched as they danced down the hallway, and the sea of students parted, much like the red sea had done for Moses, at god's will.

God's will, I thought, as images of blood and tears passed through my mind, what has he ever done for me.

-

_I always said that I would make mistakes  
__I'm only human and that's my saving grace  
__I'll fall as hard as I try  
__So don't be blinded_

-

"Why were they like that with you?" He asked, his voice low, as he took my hand and pulled me closer to him.

"Personal history." I replied, shrugging off his hand and moving away from him.

"What kind?" He continued, undeterred by my vague answer.

"The kind where Henry and I slept together." I snapped at him, and his face fell. "Is that what you wanted to hear?" I screamed harshly, walking towards him. "That I was used and abused by the most popular boy in school? That I'm just another fucking notch on his belt, like I am almost every other fucking guy in this hallway?"

He looked up, and his eyes met mine. In them I saw sadness and forgiveness, and pity. And it made me want to be sick. It made me feel weak to the core. Because I knew that he knew. That he could read my eyes, my mind, my body and soul.

-

_See me as I really am  
__I have flaws and sometimes I even sin  
__So pull me from that pedestal  
__I don't belong there_

-

"No Maddie." He said, stepping towards me, as he leant down and his forehead touched against my own. "I just want to know you. And protect you, because you don't have to be alone against the world. You don't have to be alone."

"But I am" I whispered, pushing him off me and walking down the hallway.

I am alone.

-

_Like to think that you know me  
__But in your eyes  
__I am something above me  
__That's only in your mind  
__Only in your mind_

-

AN#2: Kate, thanks for proofing! I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Sorry about the delay, but more soon, as I've not finished That Endless Summer! Thanks for reading!


	6. Damaged

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.\

-

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

-

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Six: Damaged_

-

I turned the corner and there she was, alone, in the dark, damp, alley. Slumped over, lying against a cold brick wall, her eyes shut tightly, her arms wrapped around herself protectively. The barely existent skirt she had chosen to wear was riding up her thighs, revealing the bright red g-string she wore underneath. As I approached her cautiously, I saw that her make-up had become smudged, her mascara was left running down her tear stained cheeks.

I heard her whimper gently as I bent down towards her. For a brief moment, her eyes opened, and a flicker of recognition flashes on her face. But it was gone the instant my skin touched her own, as my arms moved around her, scooping her almost lifeless form up in them, and pulling her towards me. She made a feeble attempt at fighting me off, but soon gave up, bruised, battered, exhausted, and clung tightly to my chest, as small sobs escaped her perfect lips, and the tears ran gently into my shirt. I pulled her closer once more, and began to carry her home.

-

_Dreaming comes so easily  
'Cause it's all that __I've known  
True love is a fairy tale  
I'm damaged, so how would I know_

-

I lay her down tenderly, covering her near naked body with my thick quilt as she snuggled deeply into the bed and began to breathe deeply, a content look appearing on her face. I smiled a little, as I ran my fingers gently through her hair, as her breathing became calm, stable. And she rolled over, becoming lost in her own dreams, hopefully in a better place than she had been tonight.

Standing up, I walked over to my desk and pulled the chair out, bringing it back to the bed. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping tonight, not when she could suddenly wake up and decide to continue to ruin her life. Not when she could decide to walk out of mine, without letting me explain. Without letting me in.

As I watched her delicate features rise and fall with the breaths she took, I wondered what could possibly have tainted a girl so much that she becomes this… barely living, barely breathing, barely human… thing… who just wanted to make the world disappear. Who just didn't want to be anymore.

-

_I'm scared and  
__I'm alone  
I'm ashamed  
And I need for you to know_

-

Some time later, a thin line of harsh sunlight managed to filter its way through the blinds and fall directly in her line of vision. She stirred a little, rubbing her hands over her eyes as she yawned, before clamping her eyes shut tightly, groaning before she pulled the covers up over her head. After about five seconds she realised she wasn't in her own bed, and her head came gingerly out of the covers, as she glared at me.

"Where am I?" She snapped, her voice raw still from the nights crying.

"In my room." I replied, meeting her eyes as she continued to glare.

"Why am I here?" She continued, as she broke the gaze to look around the room.

"Thought you might like a decent nights sleep for once." I replied, as I stood up and walked over to the mini-fridge I'd had installed a couple of months ago. I pulled a can of coke out and walked back over to her, holding it out as she looked at it suspiciously.

"Don't you trust anyone?" I asked, and with an exaggerated eye roll she reached out and snatched the can out of my hand.

"You're welcome." I said as I sat down in the chair again. She glared at me, but willingly accepted the cool liquid as it rolled down her dry throat.

-

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
And you can't take back what you've taken away  
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

-

We sat in silence for several moments, and I watched the thousands of thoughts she had swirl in her eyes. Finally, she sat up higher in the bed, pulling the quilt around herself tightly, as she turned to look at me, and said, "Why bother?"

I looked at her, shocked, confused, hurt. How could she not understand why I did this… any of this… how could she not see the truth behind everything? That I just wanted to be with her, to hold her, to keep her safe from harm. That all I wanted was for us to be together, to face the world, and not be alone any more.

"Maddie." My voice came out strangled, as I reached forward, but she shrank away at my touch. "How can you not see it?" I said, leaning back in my chair as I watched tears begin to well in her eyes. "How can you not see how stunning you are? How amazing, talented, funny you are."

She shook her head, and moved back further against the wall. But I was undeterred.

-

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
And you can't take back what you've taken away  
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

-

"Maddie," I said, standing up and sitting on the bed. "I just want to get to know you. I just want to make sure you're safe. I just want to protect you." I said, taking her hand and rubbing it gently.

Her lip quivered and the tears fell gently, but her eyes refused to meet mine. She shook her head, and I sat there, waiting for her to finally realise that it was okay to need to feel safe. That it was okay to need to feel loved.

Finally, she looked up, and her tear stained eyes met mine.

"I don't deserve to be loved." She said, her breath shaking. "I don't need to be."

-

_Healing comes so painfully  
And it chills to the bone  
Will anyone get close to me?  
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know_

-

I sighed, as I pulled her into me. She fought me, until she could fight no more. And then she melted into my arms. She wept into my chest, and clawed at my shirt, trying to pull me closer to her, as if she was trying to become one with me. As if she just wanted to be me.

"You need to know that I can deal with everything you throw at me, that I can always be here for you. I need you to know that I want to love you, want to be with you. That I want to save you." I said, as she looked up at me.

"I don't know if I can be saved." She whispered, as she clung tightly to me, and I rocked her in my arms, lulling her into sleep.

-

_There's mending for my soul  
An ending to this fear  
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger  
I was just a little girl, but I can't go back_

-

AN: There you go guys. The plot thickens. I hope you enjoyed it. More soon! Also, thanks to Kate for proofing, and for your reviews, I'm always happy knowing you guys enjoy my stories!


	7. 23

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

-

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

-

**Chapter Warning:** This chapter contains allusions to child abuse! If you are in any way offended by scenes, I suggest you stop reading now, and follow on to the next chapter when its posted.

-

-

-

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Seven: 23_

-

_I felt for sure last night  
That once we said goodbye  
No one else will know these lonely dreams  
No one else will know that part of me_

-

He was hiding from me… or hiding away from the world. Either way, he was underneath the grandstand, surrounded by an unusual cloak of darkness for the middle of the day. I smiled as I bounded up to him, leaping into his arms and smothering his face with kisses.

He smirked at me as I pulled away from him. I smirked back at him as he asked me "Want to follow it up with 'Honey, I'm home'?"

"Only if I get a machine gun." I replied, poking my tongue out at him as I looked around the space more carefully. " Nice pad." I said sarcastically "I can see you've done a lot with the place."

"As much as my budget would allow" he replied pompously "What I really want is those Queer Eye folk to come in and fix it up, and make me a whole new man."

"You don't need to be made into a man,' I replied, wrapping my arms around his neck "Believe me, you're man enough already." I said seductively, leaning up and connecting my lips passionately against his own. His strong arms gripped at my hips and maneuvered me against the wall of the stand, his body pressing against my own, shooting warm sensations all over my body.

-

_I'm still driving away  
And I'm sorry every day  
I won't always love these selfish things  
I won't always live...  
Not stopping..._

-

Pulling away from the heated kiss, we caught our breath as Luke fiddled with my belly bar under my shirt.

"I guess we stopped playing happy families." I said huskily, as Luke looked down at me, almost hungrily, as if he wanted to devour me.

"Oh, we can play that,' He said finally, his breathing calmer now 'Only if I get to kiss you goodnight… everywhere."

"And I'm supposed to be the minx in our relationship." I said, grinning, as he pushed himself on me once more, kissing my lips hastily. I pulled on his shirt as my fingers slowly snaked up inside, running gently across his smooth toned stomach, causing him to groan into the kiss.

"Play nice." He said, and the words vibrated gently against my lips. I pouted up at him before shrugging, and removing my hands and pushing him away from me.

"I didn't mean stop playing." He whined, coming towards me again, but I held my arms up to stop him.

"Save it for the bedroom sparky." I said, laughing. "Play time is over."

"So what am I supposed to do for fun?" He asked, as I shrugged my shoulders again and sat down against a pole. "Amuse yourself… and in no way is that to be taken in a sexual way. It was good clean fun." I said, smirking at him as he sat down and pouted.

_-_

_It was my turn to decide  
I knew this was our time  
No one else will have me like you do  
No one else will have me, only you_

_-_

"My mum would be hitting you over the head right now." He said abruptly, looking at me. "She'd think you're a fool for even bothering to spend time with me. Of course, she'd be drooling and slurring through every word because of the unusually large amounts of alcohol that always manage to remain in her system." He said bitterly, shutting his eyes.

Was this not the most random conversation ever started?

"She's been like that ever since Dad skipped out on us when I was a kid. And hey, why bother getting Luke a male role model, when he can have an endless stream of them that he watched walk out of the house shirtless, never to return again?" He asked the space around us bitterly.

-

_You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?_

-

What do you even say to that? How do you think up some reply that takes away all the pain from years of childhood memories that just need to be forgotten?

You don't. You numb the pain, numb the memories. Any way you know how.

"I'm f#ed up." He laughed bitterly. "A screwed up child from birth. What about you? What's your family like?"

I snapped my eyes to his, but looked past him. The colours swirled together; the blues and greens mixing as words, feelings… memories, came flooding back.

-

_I'm here I'm now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the end  
The one thing that stays mine_

-

_"Sit still Till Till," he slurred at me "If you stay still, and quiet, you won't get in trouble."_

_I pulled the covers up closer and hid behind them as his tall shadow filled the doorway. "No." I said quietly, covering my head as he growled, and threw the bottle above my bed, causing the bottle to smash, and tiny pieces of glass and liquid drops to spill all over me._

"_Mummy" I cried out, but his hand was under the covers and shoved roughly over my mouth._

"_Your mother won't come." He snorted. "She doesn't care about you." He said more softly "Only I care about you. Let me show you how much I care about you," he said as he pulled the covers down and ran his hand down my arm. I whimpered, and tried to pull the covers up. _

_He snapped though, and ripped the covers from my clutches and threw them hastily aside. He moved towards me, his strong arms pinning my frail body down. His breath reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol, and I gag as he breathes down heavily on me, as the tears slide down my cheeks. _

"_Don't cry princess." He said, his voice heavy with liquor. "Daddy will take care of you."_

_My eyes snapped open, as I stared up coldly into his eyes._

"_You're not my daddy." I whispered, as I closed my eyes and allowed the darkness to envelope me once more._

-

_Amazing still it seems  
I'll be 23  
I won't always love what I'll never have  
I won't always live in my regrets_

-

"Maddie." I heard Luke say, as his hand ran gently over my arm, causing goose bumps to appear. "Are you okay?" He asked my gently, his deep blue eyes looking down at me concerned.

"I'm fine." I snapped at him finally, the intensity of his eyes driving me over the edge. "And my family is peachy keen."

He looked taken aback as he stepped quickly away from me.

"I just…" I began, walking quickly out into the harsh sunlight. "I have to go." I yelled to him before sprinting away.

-

_You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?_

-

There were thoughts, sounds floating everywhere in my head. Hidden messages, memories, that I'd long since pushed to be further reaches of my mind, forgotten… for all time. I needed that pain to overwhelm me. To feel the smooth silver blade slice through my skin.

To see the deep crimson colour contrast against the shiny metal. As the thin droplets of blood run down my arm and fall, crashing onto the floor, I need to know that I can still feel pain. Because I just want to feel numb again.

-

_I'm here I'm now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the end  
The one thing that stays mine_

-

AN: I'm so sorry if that offended you, but I had the idea from the start and well, it didn't have to be written that way, but the story needed depth. I tried to be subtle, and not overbaring. I hope it worked alright. Next chapters should be up soon, as I've been on a writing spree. I want this over with soon, so I can begin a new (happy) story!


	8. For Blue Skies

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit. 

-

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

-

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Eight: For Blue Skies_

-

_It's been a long year  
Since we last spoke  
How's your halo?_

-

Disoriented I sat up slowly, shaking the feeling of nothingness off… for now. A headache began to brew as I felt the effects of the drinking rampage from last night begin to take a hold of my body.

His arm was wrapped tightly around my waist, so I worked diligently to remove it without waking the sleeping unknown next to me. Creeping across the floor, avoiding those floorboards that would always creak just when you didn't want them to, I managed to collect my g-string and bra from the lamp that they'd been flung towards.

Thin streams of sunlight entered the room, and I covered my eyes in the hopes that I'd avoid any unnecessary headaches before I was able to exit the unknown residence I'd found myself in. Scuttling around to collect the rest of my torn clothing and belongings, I cast one final glance at the dark haired figured that lay sound asleep on the bed still.

-

_Just between you and I  
You and me and the satellites  
I never believed you  
I only wanted to  
Before all of this  
What did I miss?_

-

He looked so vastly different to Luke, I thought immediately. Luke with his beautiful skin, his angelic face, his blonde hair trying so desperately to free itself from the dark restraints that were keeping it hidden from the world. My breath caught in my throat, as I realised finally what I was doing… comparing this stranger to the one boy… man… who had ever tried to rescue me. Who had ever tried to love me… who had even made me begin to love him back.

But I couldn't go there. I couldn't be that person. Because that person ends up broken again. And I was already broken enough. Casting one last look at the world I'd come to live in, I spun on my heels and walked quickly out into reality… a place with nothing left for me.

-

_Do you ever get homesick?  
I can't get used to it  
I can't get used to it  
I'll never get used to it  
I'll never get used to it_

-

Fingering the fresh bruises that had formed on my thighs, I closed my eyes and sank down onto the tiled floor of the bathroom. Letting the hot water rush over my body, it blended with the tears of pain and suffering, the tears of memories of times past that still played on my mind every now and then. The loneliness built up inside once more, the overwhelming pain that shook me to the core, which took my soul and sold it to the devil.

I reached up slowly towards the silver blade, the source of all my suffering… the answer to all my prayers. Bringing it down, I held it against my pale skin, my hands shaking as it sliced painfully down my wrist. The crimson blood trickled out slowly at first, the red drops mixing with the clear water, swirling around and down my arm, dropping each time against the pure while tiles, staining, tainting them… like me.

Taking it out of my skin, I cried into the deep cut as I pulled the silver up again and once more sliced a clear line down my arm. The tears stung into the cut, the first being the deepest, but the pain of remembering stung more. The pain of never being able to forget those nights all those years ago.

And all I wanted to do was forget.

-

_I'm under that night  
I'm under those same stars  
We're in a red car  
You asleep at my side_

-

My body swayed freely as I felt the drug take a hold of my body, and my spirit began to soar, free from the pain, suffering and oppression in the world. His arms wrapped around my belly and pulled me against him, as my hips ground into his groin, my lips forming into a smirk as he responded instantly. His lips met my own as he pressed me into the wall, his hands taking my wrists painfully and throwing them above my head, trapping me in.

I wasn't fearful though, I'd felt this pain before. I was no longer afraid of the pain that would come. Of the end that was near. Of the consequences of these drunken, high actions. All I wanted was to be numb, was to be forgotten. Was to forget.

But he was there lurking in the shadows, watching my every move. His normally light eyes dark with anger, with hatred. With a lust and hunger that no one but I could satisfy. He'd been watching me night after night. Watching me throw my life away. Never understanding what he'd done. Never approaching me, just waiting.

Waiting for me to go to him.

-

_Going in and out of the headlights  
Could I have saved you?  
Would that have betrayed you?  
I wanna burn this film  
You alone with those pills_

-

I passed him in the hallway and caught his eye. I beckoned for him to follow me, and knew instantly that his eyes, after trailing down my body, followed my every move as I led him to those bleachers. That place where all the tormenting moments had come back to haunt me.

The last place we'd been together.

I moved into the shadows as soon as he found me, but there was no hiding from his soulful eyes. There was no hiding the truth from him.

"Why do you do it?" His voice asked huskily, and I smiled at him.

"Why not?" I replied, moving out of the shadows, towards his body, and I saw him respond before I'd even touched him.

"You're better than this." He said, fighting every urge he had to reach out and hold me, or reach out and fuck me.

"Am I?" I asked him, finally coming to rest inches from him.

-

_What you couldn't do I will  
I forgive you  
I'll forgive you  
I'll forgive you  
I forgive you_

-

"Yes." He growled, taking a step away from me, stopping my advances once more.

"Prove it." I sneered at him, my eyes turning a dark shade of hate. "Meet me, tonight. And prove that I'm better than what you see." I said, laying the challenge out there for him.

"And how would I do that?" He asked, taking a step towards me again, believing himself to be safe from my game.

I looked down, an evil smile playing on my lips.

"By resisting me." I said finally, looking up to meet his eyes, and leaning up on my toes to kiss him gently on the lips. "Don't give in, and prove me wrong. Prove that I am more than just a sex symbol." I said to him, walking past him and out of the bleaches.

Prove that I can be _saved…_

-

_For blue, blue skies  
For blue, blue skies  
For blue, blue skies  
For blue, blue skies_

-

**AN:** Yay, an update. But wait, theres more. Thanks to Kate for proofing!


	9. I Hate Everything About You

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

-

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

-

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Nine: I Hate (Everything About You)_

-

_Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

-

She was there, dancing, in her little red skirt, and her tight black laced top. She was moving, flowing, becoming one with the music, her body glowing with the light layer of sweat that had formed on her bare skin. Her skirt rode up as she moved her arms up her legs, then her shirt followed, as her hands went up her sides towards her head, and she shook her hair, letting it fall loosely around her.

I licked my dry lips before taking a sip of my drink, my eyes never leaving her silky form. A smiled crossed her face as she turned to look at me.

She knew she had won.

-

_Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet_

-

It had hardly been a fair fight. Who could resist such a tempting offer, thrown at you on a silver platter. Sex with no attachments. Every guys dream. And with such an exquisite beauty, no one was going to refuse. Not even me. Despite everything, she still had me under her thumb. She still knew how to work my body, how to make me yearn for her touch. How to make me hunger for her kiss.

She had become an angel of the night, but was really a devil in disguise.

-

_Only when I stop to think about it  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

-

Downing my drink, I sat the now empty glass back on the bar, before pushing myself reluctantly out of my seat and slowly weaving my way through the crowd towards her. Her smirk grew larger at this movement, knowing that she'd won.

What was the point, she'd won me over with that first sigh. With that first look.

-

_Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

-

I came to stand in front of her, but didn't move to her as she'd have liked. I promised myself I'd try as long as I could. Just to make some kind of statement. Just to try and make her see that there really was more to her than just her body. There was a mind, heart and soul that I'd fallen for. There was a lost child, alone for the longest of time. There was someone worth saving.

But she continued to move her body, pretending not to care about anything but the resounding heat that danced between our bodies. Pretending to only notice the tension that was thick in the air. Pretending to know that there was nothing but lust in my eyes.

Pretending that she was living another life.

-

_Only when I stop to think about it  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

-

Finally, she took my hand and moved around her body, forcing our bodies to come into full contact for the first time in weeks. It was then that all my strength faded, all my will power disappeared, and all I wanted to do was kiss her hungrily, until we'd both become dizzy from loss of breath.

I pulled her towards me, my grip on her tightening, and I caught the gasp that left her breath with an intensely heated kiss. Her hands danced under my shirt and across my belly and back as I flirted with her lips, her tantalizing kiss, yearning, craving for more. Pushing her slowly backwards, eventually she was backed up against the wall, our bodies crying out to be joined.

Remebering that first night in the club, I leant down and whispered in her ear, "I'm going to make you scream."

This time I wasn't met with resentment or anger; I was met with a challenge of my own.

"Not if I do first." She replied evilly, her lips moving up to fight my own once more.

-

_Only when I stop to think  
About you, I know  
Only when you stop to think  
About me, do you know_

-

Her hands moved to my belt as my own moved beneath the silky material that was her shirt, reaching under her bra, wanting to feel her naked breast hot against my hand. I felt her gasp into my mouth, but the euphoric feeling only lasted moments before I found myself to be the one groaning as her hands reached their prize, taking me in her hands and stroking me up and down, handling the situation like any well trained expert.

Apparently, this was war.

Reached my other hand down from her back, I ran it gently across her butt as she arched into me, and my fingers danced their way up her thigh. Pulling back, I smirked down at her when I found she had no underwear on.

"What can I say?" She said, shrugging "I knew you were easy."

-

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me_

-

Instead of letting my kiss do the talking, I kept her eyes locked on my own as I gently pushed my fingers inside her core, and took great pleasure as she fought to keep her eyes from rolling back, as she fought to keep the moans of pleasure from being released from her delectable mouth. Finally, though, I felt her hand stop moving as she gave in, and I knew that it was now or never. Pulling my fingers out, she opened her eyes and looked up at me. Her hands freed me of any restraints that kept me bound, and then she lifted one leg up and hooked herself around my butt, leaving herself open for entry.

I glared down at her as I slowly, cautiously rose to the challenge she had set. Knowing that each moment I delayed it for that second longer she would become angrier and angrier, I watched, almost gleefully as her face twisted, with desire, with annoyance, with pure, blissful pain.

Plunging into her finally, I covered her mouth once more, to stop the screams and moans of pleasure escaping her mouth.

-

_I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me_

-

It was in that moment, when she melted, breathing heavily with pleasure that I knew. She may have won the battle, but I sure as hell had won the war.

-

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

-

**AN:** More to come soon, as it just keeps flowing out of me. Thanks again to Kate for proofing, and to all that reviewed. Makes me want to finish the story quickly!


	10. Seasons Change

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

- 

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

-

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Ten: Seasons Change_

-

_Seasons change  
They change when you don't seem to notice  
All of a sudden, wind grows cold  
And then the snowflakes start to fall  
It's kinda like when I fell in love with you  
I, I didn't even notice when you didn't love me anymore_

-

As my eyes opened slowly, I felt a weight across my belly pinning me down. Moving my head slowly around, I came face to face with a peaceful Luke, basking, sleeping, in the morning sun. My gut reaction was shock, followed quickly by fear then confusion. Why was he still here? They were never here the morning after. I was supposed to wake up alone… unloved. I was supposed to remember my pain and remember why I kept putting myself through the endless torture.

I was supposed to hate myself even more.

_-_

_There's a blue, there's a blue sky on my left and a pink sky on my right  
__And I'm driving down the 92 where the bridge looks like it touches the sky  
And I'm thinking to myself  
Where did all the time go  
And why can't I remember  
What it was like when I was young_

_-_

And I couldn't do that with Luke, not when he was always there to pick me up when I fell down. Not when he was there ready to take my hand and lead me though the dark to the tiny shimmer of light that lay ahead of me. There wasn't supposed to be someone by my side, someone who claimed to understand me, claimed to love me. I wasn't supposed to get one of those fairy tale endings.

I wasn't supposed to be happy.

_-_

_Seasons change  
And you grow a little older  
Nothing stays the same  
The past becomes the future_

_-_

Moving myself from under his arm, he rolled gently onto his stomach, and stirred a little, before settling back down into a dreamless sleep.

Padding quietly across the floor, I reached the window and crawled onto the sill, looking out towards the now overcast morning. Curling my legs up underneath me in a bid to keep warm, moments, memories, from the previous night plagued my thoughts.

-

_Seasons change  
And you grow a little older  
No one stays the same  
And my heart grows a little colder_

-

Of Luke's hands on my skin, under my shirt, under my skirt… of the amazing pleasure, the sensations his body against mine caused, of the amazing feeling of knowing I was right… but at the same time knowing how wrong I really was… because deep down I knew that he saw more than the sex symbol and toy I believed myself to be. Because when I looked in his eyes I saw them look deeper than image, look deeper than status… I saw them look into my soul and see who I really was.

After hiding myself away from people for years, I really wasn't sure I wanted my life to be anything different.

_-_

_I'm standing in a parking lot  
Of some suburban shopping mall  
And I'm dressed in my work uniform making friends with all_

_-_

Light droplets of rain began to splatter against the cold windowpane, as I leant my forehead around it. In the reflection I saw Luke pull the covers closer around him, obviously missing the body heat I'd provided for him. Watching as the rain created a hazy mist outside, I sighed, thinking about how I was reminded of all the pain and suffering in my life, and how it always managed to rain on those days.

Oh how I hated rain.

-

_The vacant cars  
And I'm thinking to myself  
I gotta make a big decision today and I hope I choose a better tomorrow  
Rather then a better yesterday_

-

When my Dad left, it had poured for days. When my Mum had hit me for the first time, I'd been crying during a thunderstorm. She'd been drunk, and wasn't in a mood to deal with her terrified seven-year-old. A storm had cut the lights the night he first came… when he came and stood in my doorway and watched me as I pretended to sleep, his breathing become heavier until she finally called him to her.

When I first arrived at this prison hell, it was pouring down buckets, and I remember watching out the limo window, wishing that I could be soaked up by the rain, because then I wouldn't feel so alone any more.

-

_Seasons change  
And you grow a little older  
Nothing stays the same  
The past becomes the future_

-

When their voices first rang out, thick with hatred, jealously, with fear, the rain could be heard pelting against the cold windows of the long hallway, which became my walk of shame. When their first taunts began, and a lonely thirteen year old found solace in the silver blade, that with one swift movement could make her forget, yet force her to remember… the rain melted once with the droplets of blood as she cried to the heavens, asking for her life to be over.

-

_Seasons change  
And you grow a little older  
No one stays the same  
And my heart grows a little warmer  
My heart turns a little warmer  
Everything turns it turns it turns it turns  
_

-

That's why I hate the rain. Because of the quiet it brings. Because when everything is quiet, it all comes crashing down on me. And I remember once more. The sins that haunt my existence. The memories that have made me who I am.

Tainted. Sinful.

Alone.

-

_Seasons change  
And you grow a little wiser  
Nothing stays the same  
The past becomes the future  
_

-

Sighing, I reached out and ran my hand slowly down the pane, wishing the cold to envelope me once more. Because all these feelings that were emerging, and attempting to overtake the darkness that had overwhelmed my soul for so long.

Looking towards the angel that had pulled me from my grave, I sighed, knowing instantly what had to be done.

Knowing instantly, what had to be broken.

-

_Seasons change  
Only the cherry blossoms they bloom again  
They will bloom, they will bloom_

-

AN: There is more. Thanks to Kate for proofing these so quickly for me. You're a legend hun!


	11. Pills

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

**-**

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

-

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Eleven: Pills_

-

_I hope my smile  
can distract you  
I hope my fists  
can fight for two  
So it never has to show  
And you'll never know  
_

-

She smiles at me from across the other side of the room, but it doesn't reach as far as it should, and her eyes dart from mine back to the front as soon as they can. She's been doing that a lot lately, pretending that she needs to be alone, pretending that she can't be with me because she wants to focus on school work… pretending that she's smiling at me, when she really just wants to look away.

Pretending that everything was fine, between us, with the world.

-

_I hope my love  
can blind you  
I hope my arms  
can bind you  
So you'll never have to see  
What we've grown to be_

-

But it wasn't. She'd cry at night, when she thought I was asleep. She'd crawl out of bed and walk towards the window, her nightgown flowing gently in the breeze that snuck through the crack. I'd see her silhouette huddle into a small ball as her head fell onto her knees, sobs racking her body. My hands would ache to reach out to her, to hold her frail body in my arms, to whisper comforting words tenderly in her ear until the nightmares stopped haunting her once and for all.

But my mind said close your eyes, and pretend like she's still next to you. Pretend that you don't miss her warm body curled up in your arms, pretend that you can't hear the painful tears that are calling you… pretend that you wouldn't want to be wiping the fallen cries from her cheeks. Pretend that you're living the life you want to lead.

Because she's pretending too.

-

_One may think  
we're alright  
But we need pills  
to sleep at night  
We need lies  
to make it through the day  
We're not ok_

-

And during the day, she'd try and cover up her lies. She'd apply make up to cover her hollow eyes, and walk down the hallways with that same 'I don't give a damn' manner she always had. She'd ignore the cruel taunts thrown to her by Cassie and Belle, she'd flash the boys a grin, and she'd strut up to me. But the glint in her eye that had once been there… for a short while… it was gone. And the smile… it was fake… it was forced… it was something I always feared I'd end up seeing.

Because it meant that she'd broken even more. It meant that she had taken herself further away from the caring, loving life that I'd attempted to offer her… and even if she'd rejected that life, it still mean she'd always believe she was alone against the world.

_-_

_One may think  
we're doing fine  
But if I had to lay it on the line  
We're losing ground  
with every passing day  
We're not ok_

_-_

I felt her shift that night. Felt her body move away from mine instantly, after she believed me to be sleeping. But this time, instead of moving to the windowsill, she turned to her dresser. Opening the draw slowly, I could imagine her cringing as each movement she made managed to make it creak that little bit more. I felt her hand fumble through the junk I could only imagine she had hidden away in the dark depths of her privacy.

Finally, the fumbling stopped, and I heard a click of a lid… Then nothing. The lid was shut, the drawer shut, and I felt her body shift back down under the covers. Her body was inches away from mine now, her breathing slow, calmed, and, as she rolled to face me, I saw her lips set in a graceful smile that I'd never seen before.

It was like everything had been lifted from her shoulders.

As if she were free.

_-_

_But that's one thing  
I would never  
One thing I would never  
That's one thing  
I would never say to you_

_-_

She was gone the next morning when I rolled over to hold her in my arms. The early morning sun was only just peaking though the windows. Like a hazy dream returning, I remembered the events from the night before, and believing that this was for the best, I slowly eased myself up from my laying position and moved towards the bed side table, which Maddie had quietly found last night. Pulling open the drawer, I found, sitting on top of the scattered sheets of handwriting, of the bottles of perfume and tubes of lipstick, a small white bottle.

A bottle of prescription pills. For depression. Made out to Matilda Hunter.

This particular bottle was made out to her a month ago. And, as I read on, I learnt that if she had taken two a day, she would have been though this bottle by now. And onto another. The pills were supposed to help her memory, help her behaviour. They were supposed to make her happy.

Or numb her soul.

And she didn't want that. Even if it meant that she had to live with her painful past, her horrific memories.

She couldn't kill herself slowly from the inside.

-

_But that's one thing  
I would never  
One thing I would never  
That's one thing  
I would never say to you_

-

She came waltzing, humming, back into the room twenty minutes later. Her damp hair was sticking to her face, which shone like the morning sun. She smiled at me, that hypnotic smile I hadn't seen in days, and for a minute I considered not showing her the bottle, and letting her continue to live the lie that we'd both found ourselves entrapped in.

But watching her stone cold eyes, which only appeared to have found their spark again, I knew that this was it. This was the moment we'd both feared all along. The moment of truth, when everything came crashing down again.

-

AN: Two chapters again? Has she gone mad? I think so, because there are only three more chapters to go. Because of a couple of reasons. The main being, I started this when I was in a crap place. And I'm no longer there. So I feel that I can't give it the justice it would deserve if I was going to make it longer. Again, thanks to Kate for proofing these two chapters so quickly You truly are a great proof reader. Enjoy guys!


	12. Stolen Car

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

-

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**-**

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Twelve: Stolen Car_

_-_

_I met a little girl and I settled down  
__In a little house out on the edge of town  
__We got married, and swore we'd never part  
__Then little by little we drifted from each other's hearts_

_-_

I smiled at Luke, but as my gaze dropped to the small white object in his hand, the smile fell from my lips instantly. And I turned on my heels and walked out of the room, unable to face his questioning eyes, which were asking me one thing. Why?

I wasn't able to answer all those questions, so I ran. Because I'd always run away in my life… running was always the easy option. That way all the problems, instead of facing them, they disappeared… and that was how I loved it.

I heard Luke call my name as he followed me down the hallway. No doubt, if he were running at his full pace, he'd have caught up with me by now. But he knew that I needed this. I needed the escape from my own prison; I needed the escape from the abyss of darkness that I'd fallen into so long ago.

Only, I didn't think I ever could.

_-_

_At first I thought it was just restlessness  
__That would fade as time went by and our love grew deep  
__In the end it was something more I guess  
__That tore us apart and made us weep_

_-_

Reaching the doors to the front gardens, I stumbled out of them into the fresh morning air. The warm sunlight hit my pale face and I squinted into the sunlight, looking up into the crystal blue sky, and shivered a little as the enormity of it all overwhelmed me momentarily.

In this place of serenity, where the garden was luscious and green, and the sky was so clear and blue you could see tomorrow, I wondered how such a messed up girl could have survived in the world. Why was god punishing me? Why was he not there, the night when my dad left, the night when he came? Had he been hiding in the shadows, lurking, afraid to reveal himself?

Or had he not heard the calls of a broken child? Had he ignored the small cries that fell from my burning lips at night as I huddled into a ball, hoping, praying that his voice wouldn't creep through the door, and the floorboards would creak under his heavy feet.

Did he even hear my prayers?

_-_

_And I'm driving a stolen car  
__Down on Eldridge Avenue  
__Each night I wait to get caught  
__But I never do_

_-_

"Maddie." I heard his voice call out to me, breaking me from my sinful thoughts. Stumbling again I ran towards those large trees that had curled their way towards the heavens. It was there that I found the darkness I needed so, it was there I found safety and protection from his eyes that could see into my soul.

I found the weeping willow that fell over the fence, and slumped down at the base of the trunk, my face falling to my knees, my cheeks damp from the hidden tears that had fallen. It was a moment Luke had seen many times before, the broken girl, alone against a world that was determined to watch her fall and fail once more.

He'd always been the one that had taken my hand and pulled me into that glimmer of light, that glimmer of hope that he'd always brought with him. But now, when I looked into his eyes, I only saw despair, and fear. The hope had disappeared long ago.

_-_

_She asked if I remembered the letters I wrote  
__When our love was young and bold  
__She said last night she read those letters  
__And they made her feel one hundred years old_

_-_

"Maddie." He said, as he appeared at my side. I looked up to see those deep blue eyes staring back into mine, with all the confusion in the world settled in them. "Maddie," He repeated tenderly, sitting down across from me and taking my hands in his. "I need you to tell me everything. I want to help you, and to do that I need to know you. I need you to trust me." He pleaded, but I looked away from his hopeful gaze.

"You can't keep shutting everyone out Maddie." He continued relentlessly. "One day it'll catch up with you, and maybe then there won't be anyone here willing to save you." He cried, standing up and storming off further into the lush green trees that we were surrounded by.

"Luke." I heard my voice call, and although it was barely audible, he still paused, but didn't… couldn't turn around to face me.

"Please Luke," I begged, "Please don't believe this is about you. Or about us." I cried, the soft tears falling down my cheeks, but I couldn't begin to care about wiping them away. "You, your…" I said, stumbling over my words as they became caught in my throat. "Love was something I was never shown, until you. And with all my heart…" I said, pausing as he began to turn around and face me "… I wish that I were able to love you, like you love me." I said, as I fell against a tree. "But I can't Luke. Because I can't love someone… someone as broken, as shattered as me cannot even begin to grasp any concept of love."

His body sighed heavily as he turned fully towards me, his strong, smooth hands reaching out to my waist and pulling me against him. I melted into his embrace, wanting… needing to feel the love, strength and support one final time. Needing to play pretend for just that moment longer.

_-_

_And I'm driving a stolen car  
__On a pitch black night  
__And I'm telling myself I'm gonna be alright  
__But I ride by night and I travel in fear  
__That in this darkness I will disappear_

_-_

Breathing in his scent, memorising how our bodies moulded perfectly together, I felt my tears begin to moisten his shirt, and realised that if I stayed there a moment longer, I might never be able to fight of that feeling that I could always just pretend. Because that would be easier. But it would mean Luke would not live the life he was able to lead. I'd forever be holding him back and pulling him down from what he could achieve.

"We weren't meant to be together." I whispered, breaking away from his strong embrace and pushing his body away from me. "I wasn't meant to be saved Luke." I said tearfully as I looked up into his deep blue eyes, swirling with all the emotions in the world. "I wasn't supposed to be saved." I repeated, more for myself, as Luke pulled me towards him again.

"Yes you are." He said, his hands coming up to cup my face, forcing my dark eyes to look into his light ones. "Why can't you be saved Maddie? Why can't I save you?" He asked, his voice breaking from fear and love and rejection, and everything else I'd brought upon him.

"I can't do it Luke." I said finally, firmly, sadly, pulling myself out of his embrace and walking backwards. "You can't save me, because I can't be saved." I cried, turning away from him and running into the distance.

It was for the best, I kept telling myself. Because he didn't deserve me… and I didn't deserve him,

_-_

_But I ride by night and I travel in fear  
__That in this darkness I will disappear_

_-_

AN: The anti-climatic climactic chapter. And it all comes crashing down. Two more to go, but there will be a bit of a delay, my excellent proof reader Kate has gone away for a week. Oh well, I'm sure no one hates me entirely for drawing this out any longer than it has to. Thanks for the reviews, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.


	13. Samson

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

**-**

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**-**

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Thirteen: Samson_

_-_

_You are my sweetest downfall\  
__I loved you first, I loved you first  
__Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth  
__I have to go, I have to go  
__Your hair was long when we first met_

_-_

I'd see her walk past me in the hallways every now and then. I'd smell her first; the soft fragrance of cherries would come wafting sweetly up my nose, making my stomach churn in anticipation. Then I'd feel her body walking gracefully near mine.

My hands would itch, wanting to touch her, my arms would ache as I strived to keep them by my side, yielding any cries to reach out and take her in my arms, and protect her from the evils she'd handed herself over to.

My heart would cry out for anything, any flicker of recognition, of knowledge, as she walked by, her dark eyes glazed over with hatred, and all I could do was melt into the surroundings, knowing that she'd seek me out if she ever needed to.

That had always been our way.

_-_

_Samson went back to bed  
__Not much hair left on his head  
__He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed  
__And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us  
__And the bible didn't mention us, not even once_

_-_

I was plagued by dreams of her at night. Of memories of times past, that I couldn't seem to shake. And finally I knew what it was to be her. Haunted, by the one thing you would wish more than anything to forget. Haunted, by the one person who had destroyed your life.

She'd made me the hollow man I was today. Because she wasn't here with me. Because I needed her as much as she needed me. Even if she didn't believe it, I needed her, deep down. She had become my air, my heart, my life.

Why had I expected it would turn into the fairy tale? Why had I believed that I could pull off the impossible, pull out the miracle that she needed… that I needed? Why had I believed in myself, when the rest of the world believed in nothing?

Why had I bothered to dream, when everything always falls apart?

_-_

_You are my sweetest downfall  
__I loved you first, I loved you first  
__Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads  
__But they're just old light, they're just old light  
__Your hair was long when we first met_

_-_

She was huddled in the corner again today, her dark jumper pulled down over her hands, hiding the scars, the mutilations, the imperfections on the most perfect girl in the world. She'd gone back to scribbling in her note book again, drawing her versions of the world… a world where she felt at home. When the devil took her hand and they danced on bright orange flames that engulfed everyone she ever hated.

Because her dream world doesn't have anything to do with a heaven or a god. The devil has been her only friend. Bringing her from one darkness to another, his fiery hatred emerging from the shadows to tell her she was not alone, she was never alone. Because he was there for her… with that first slit of the wrist, with that first sip of the alcohol… with that first pill she'd take, to make the world disappear.

And that's all she ever dreamt, for her world to disappear.

_-_

_Samson came to my bed  
__Told me that my hair was red  
__Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed_

_-_

I saw her sneaking out across the lawn one night. Her black dress hugged her tightly in all the right places, leaving no room for the imagination. But that was just her style. What you saw was what you got with Maddie, she wasn't afraid to use her body to win wars, no was she afraid of showing a little skin to more than just the public.

She wasn't afraid of much… just a drunken man who had destroyed any hopes and dreams she may have harboured as a child. He'd broken her spirit and soul, and taught her to use her body as a weapon of choice in any war with the opposite sex.

He'd taught her to destroy her life.

_-_

_Oh I cut his hair myself one night  
__A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light  
__And he told me that I'd done alright  
__and kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light  
__and he kissed me 'til the mornin' light_

_-_

One day, without looking, she stumbled into me while walking down a crowded hallway. She moved to fall backwards, but my ever predictable arms caught her swiftly, pulling her close to my body, as my reflexes would have it. Instantly, she pushed herself out of my arms, as if my touch had singed, burnt her. She looked away from my gaze and hurried off down the hallway, pushing those aside who moved into her way, pulling her jumped tighter around her.

I felt my stomach lurch into my throat, as I realised that she now couldn't even stand to be touched by me. That I made her feel that repulsed, that her time, her memories of me were that horrific for her that she couldn't walk down the same hallway without avoiding me completely.

And my heart broke again.

_-_

_Samson went back to bed  
__not much hair left on his head  
__Ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed  
__Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down  
__Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one  
__And history books forgot about us  
__And the bible didn't mention us, not even once_

_-_

She was my sweetest sin. My most delicious desire. She was my heartbreak, my love and my fear. And most of all, she had been, for those few short weeks, that person that I was able to understand. And that person that understood me.

She was my sweetest downfall. And without her, I'd fallen apart… and I couldn't just seem to return to how I used to be.

_-_

_You are my sweetest downfall_

_I loved you first_

_-_

AN: One more to go. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thanks to Kate for proofing, and to everyone for waiting so patiently for this chapter.


	14. A Sinners Prayer

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

**-**

**Saving Grace** is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.

**Full Summary:** Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?

Rated **M** for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. **Do not** read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.

**-**

**Saving Grace**

_Chapter Fourteen: A Sinners Prayer_

_-_

_Mother help my find my way  
__Will temptation sway my faith?  
__My beliefs of purity  
__Are corrupted by insanity_

_-_

The darkness surrounds me. Flicks of colour try to find their way through the black mist, but I close my eyes and will them to disappear once more. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the cold silver in my hand, as I ran my finger along the smooth side of the blade, careful to avoid slitting my finger.

I wouldn't be doing that yet… not until I was ready. Not until he came for me.

Like I'd always believed.

Like he'd always promised.

That day he would come… and that day, all the pain would end.

That day had come.

_-_

_Father guide me when I pray  
__Show me where to turn when I stray_  
_Temping immaculate  
__Such thoughts of sin are rewarded in death_

_-_

Images flashed through my mind. Of my life… then, to him. His blonde hair covered by the dark façade of lies… his blue eyes that haunted my dreams, that found the depths of my soul and reached out to my heart, which had been lost long ago. His hands, his skin, his body against mine… these moments flashed before my eyes, and I found myself craving his touch, craving his kiss… craving his love.

Lying down on my bed, I felt his body hovering over me… I felt my body crying for his touch… I felt the tension, the chemistry… the desire haunting us both. My hands reached up and ran along his red lips. His soft tender skin clashing against my savaged, course fingertips… and it caused the most desirable sensations, as shivers were sent down my spine.

But as I leant up to touch my own plump lips against his own, he turned away from me, and faded into the air.

And I was left alone.

Still.

_-_

_Mother help me find my way  
__Will temptation sway my faith?  
__Show me ways of immortality  
__Protect me from my vanity._

_-_

The silver shone in the afternoon sun that had snuck through the window. It blinded me momentarily, as the stars of dizziness danced across my sullen eyes.

Losing grip with any reality, he called to me. Through wind and rain, he called to me, called for me to raise my hand, to make that first slit. He called for me to end it all, because only then would my soul be able to soar free.

Reaching down, I gripped the silver blade in my hand tightly, knowing that this would be the final time that it tainted my skin.

These would be the final scars to heal.

-

_Mother help my find my way  
__Will temptation sway my faith?  
__My beliefs of purity  
__Are corrupted by insanity_

_-_

There was banging on the door, a constant noise that would not cease.

'Maddie' it called faintly in the distance as the blood heated up under the sharp silver blade, beckoning for the air, calling out to be released from my body. With all the remaining strength I had, I reached down my wrist, adding one final slice, one final scar, one final imperfection on a girl who had lived a sinful life.

'Tilly' it whispered, and found me like the howling of the wind at night. It crept up my legs and worked its way into my soul, and as my eyes began to close for the final time, I knew.

He had finally arrived.

It was him.

My saving grace.

-

_Father guide me when I pray  
__Show me where to turn when I stray  
__Temping immaculate  
__Such thoughts of sin are rewarded in death_

_-_

My head felt faint, dizzy, and try as I might to see the angelic face of my saviour, my eyes refused to stay open. I felt the cold coming over me, as my teeth chattered together. Goosebumps erupted over my skin as I felt death begin to claim my soul. The banging became fainter and fainter, as breathing became harder and harder. I felt my lungs begin to refuse to work… my body began to give in. And I surrendered myself.

Faintly, in the distance, a gun went off…

Fade to **black**.

-

_Such thoughts of sin are rewarded in death_

_Amen_

_-_

**AN**: End of Saving Grace. A huge thank you to Kate for proofing, you are a true legend. Thanks to everyone who has stuck by this story till the end, its so much appreciated. I hope you all enjoyed this story, as I really enjoyed writing it.


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